So…this is the mood I’m in today:
I want to know everything. I want to be everywhere. I want to fuck everyone in the world. I want to do something that matters!
I’m struggling to make myself heard, to finish all the stories I’m writing so I can begin new ones, to become more than I am right now. I know it’s not an overnight thing, but I am just so frustrated. I want to go hard at life, you know? I just want to make things better than they are now. I live for things like The Kindred Collective and my freelance work at HellaWella because that’s what makes me feel whole. The collective in particular has opened me up to being so creative and pushing myself artistically, and I love that. I’m tired of feeling stifled, I’m tired of fearing a life without stability. I just want to grab Lover Man, hop on a plane, in a car, train, whatever, and see the world. Eat new food, walk in a desert, breathe new air, swim in new water, I don’t know. SOMETHING. I know, how incredibly concrete of me, but that’s not the point. My entire life right now is based on planning and concrete actions. It’s nice to just dream about being impulsive, even if I’m far too neurotic to live a life of instability.
Maybe I need to just breathe and be thankful and know that I’m working at creating a more fulfilling life.
My friend Melanie often talks about what she is thankful for at her awesome blog, and I think it’s a great idea. She’s a fan of Things I Love Thursdays (or something to this effect, please correct me if I’m wrong, Melanie!), so I think I’m going to take that spirit and run with it:
I, jessaissomewhatdamaged, sincerely love (and am thankful for)
having a steady paycheck
having a writing gig other than my steady paycheck
good music, particularly playlists
my awesome apartment
coffee! (Really hyped about coffee right now…maybe I should lay off the Bustelo.)
Okay, I feel much better. So…another song, then? I love Ellie Goulding. Her voice, her beats, the feeling of possibility, even when her lyrics are melancholy. So…here goes.